Windows 8 and 8.1 Forums

Joke Thread

  1. #31

    How to Please Your I.T. Department (Series)

    06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his/her desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

    07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

    08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

    09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no
    description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

    10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

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  2. #32

    One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

    ''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.

    The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

    Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.

    The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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  3. #33

    How to Please Your I.T. Department (Series)

    11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

    12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

    13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

    14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

    15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
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  4. #34

    A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.

    The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches."

    "What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer.

    "Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.
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  5. #35

    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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  6. #36

    I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"

    The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.

    About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

    The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."

    The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
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  7. #37

    Posts : 412
    Windows 8 - 64 bit

    Nonsense Generation
    Daughter: Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me.
    I am in Ghana and he lives in the UK.
    We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had long chats on whatsapp,
    he proposed to me on skype, and now we've had 2 months of relationship through viber.
    I need your blessings and good wishes daddy ..................Dad said: Wow!
    Really!! they get married on twitter, have fun on tango.
    Buy your kids on e-bay, send them thru gmail.
    And if you are fed up with your husband.... sell him on amazon.

    nonsense generation!=))=))[/B]
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  8. #38

    Posts : 54
    Windows 7 Pro plus Windows 8.1 Pro VM

    Click image for larger version
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  9. #39

    A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded $150.

    The neurosurgeon exclaimed, 'I don't charge this amount even though I am a surgeon."

    The plumber replied, "I agree, you are right. I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing!"
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  10. #40

    Posts : 54
    Windows 7 Pro plus Windows 8.1 Pro VM

    Not a joke as such, but still funny ..

    Click to enlarge.

    Click image for larger version
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