New Apple OS to Compete With Windows 8

Vince53

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(UPS) Concerned with the wild popularity of the new Windows 8 Metro Interface, Apple computer announced today (April 1) that they are introducing OS 8.1 within the next few months. Built into non touch screen monitors, the new system will eliminate the keyboard and mouse as obsolete, relying instead on 3.5" floppy disks to input information.

The monitor will feature an IPhone camera, a solitaire game that actually works, a Start Button that will be easy to find (you push on it with your index finger), dual-booting so you can hang onto a system that actually works, and 8-bit technology that lets you play all those old games that don't work on Windows 8.

A built-in anti-virus system will shut down the system if anything happens, and experts predict that the price will be well within the budget of people who have to download free beta versions because they can't afford to buy new ones.

Apple dismissed reports that this is an April Fool's joke, pointing out that after Windows Vista, people don't think that ludicrous operating systems are funny.
 

My Computer

System One

  • OS
    Windows 8
Thanks Vince - a smile is always good. :D
 

My Computer

System One

  • OS
    7/8/ubuntu/Linux Deepin
    Computer type
    PC/Desktop
Does it go "Da Daaah", like WALL-E does when it boots up?
 

My Computer

System One

  • OS
    Windows 8.1 Pro with Media Center
    Computer type
    PC/Desktop
    System Manufacturer/Model
    HP COMPAQ Presario CQ57
    CPU
    AMD E- 300 APU with Radion HD Graphics 1.30GHz
    Motherboard
    inbuilt
    Memory
    4GB
    Graphics Card(s)
    ATI
    Sound Card
    High Definition Audio on-board
    Monitor(s) Displays
    notebook
    Screen Resolution
    1366x768
    Hard Drives
    Seagate ST9500325AS
    Google drive 15GB
    Skydrive 25GB
    BT Cloud
    PSU
    external 20v
    Case
    Laptop
    Cooling
    pretty good
    Keyboard
    inbuilt
    Mouse
    touchpad
    Internet Speed
    BT Infinity Unlimited - 80 up 20 down =70/16 really
    Browser
    Chrome Canary usually
    Antivirus
    Windows Defender and Malwarebytes
    Other Info
    no Start menu modifications
    Upgraded with no issues to 8.0 and to 8.1
Microsoft responded quickly by announcing a revamped version of their acclaimed Win 8 Consumer Preview available from April 1st. MS claim to have listened to consumer feedback and the new Win 8 will feature a new Task Bar that doesn't take up valuable desktop real estate. Instead it can be accessed by clicking on an invisible hotspot located 3" from the top left corner of the screen. To prevent accidental clicking, it will be necessary to hold the Windows+CapsLock+Tab keys down whilst triple clicking the sweet spot.

Other innovations in response to popular demand are even larger fonts in Metro tiles and brighter colours.

New Themes will include a Fruit Theme featuring a variety of apples native to each user's country. These background images will also serve as screen savers when the fruit will gradually rot before your eyes accompanied by the sounds of a flushing toilet.
 

My Computer

System One

  • OS
    Win 8 64bit
    System Manufacturer/Model
    self built
    CPU
    i5-2500K
    Motherboard
    Asus P8Z77
    Memory
    16Gb
    Graphics Card(s)
    AMD HD5700
    Monitor(s) Displays
    HPLP2475w, AOC
    Hard Drives
    SATA 3 SSD, SATA 2 5 drives total 6Tb
Hello Brian,

That is pretty similar to how win8 is now:think:
 

My Computer

System One

  • OS
    7/8/ubuntu/Linux Deepin
    Computer type
    PC/Desktop
Apple also announced on April 1 that they have deigned a $20 laptop. The device has a monochrome screen, and includes TWO Start buttons, making it better than Windows 8. The two buttons are at the bottom corners of the device and are turned manually in order to run programs. Apple has solved the Metro vs. desktop controversy by eliminating both, allowing you to start with a blank gray screen.

The system is completely immune to all forms of malware, lasts for years without a battery recharge, and allows you to design any apps that you like. Rebooting is simple: merely turn the device upside down and shake it, which will return you to the opening screen. Internet access is provided by the smartphone of your choice.
 

My Computer

System One

  • OS
    Windows 8
Also on april 1st, apple computers announced they were broke, too many free donuts and coffees for employees.
 

My Computer

System One

  • OS
    Windows 8 Pro ($39.99 upgrade)
    Computer type
    PC/Desktop
    System Manufacturer/Model
    Home Built
    CPU
    Intel I5 3570K overclocked to 4.2ghz
    Motherboard
    Asus P8Z77-V LX
    Memory
    Cosrair DDR3-1600 (4 x 4gb)
    Graphics Card(s)
    Nvidia GeForce GT 610 2GB
    Sound Card
    None
    Monitor(s) Displays
    AOC 27" LCD
    Screen Resolution
    1920x0180
    Hard Drives
    Seagate HDD 500gb (windows)
    Seagate HDD 1.5tb (media)
    Seagate HDD 1tb (media)
    Seagate HDD 1tb (media)
    PSU
    CoolMax 700watt
    Case
    Cosiar R400 Carbide series
    Cooling
    Cool Master H212
    Keyboard
    Dell
    Mouse
    PowerUp 3 button mouse
    Internet Speed
    12mb down, 1mb up
    Other Info
    qty. (5) 120mm fans, four are monitored by motherboard.
    Logitech T650 Touchpad for touch screen gestures
If that was real - a lot would buy it.

There seem to be legions who will buy anything with the Apple Logo.

That's marketing for you.

Apple also announced on April 1 that they have deigned a $20 laptop. The device has a monochrome screen, and includes TWO Start buttons, making it better than Windows 8. The two buttons are at the bottom corners of the device and are turned manually in order to run programs. Apple has solved the Metro vs. desktop controversy by eliminating both, allowing you to start with a blank gray screen.

The system is completely immune to all forms of malware, lasts for years without a battery recharge, and allows you to design any apps that you like. Rebooting is simple: merely turn the device upside down and shake it, which will return you to the opening screen. Internet access is provided by the smartphone of your choice.
 

My Computer

System One

  • OS
    7/8/ubuntu/Linux Deepin
    Computer type
    PC/Desktop
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