Windows 8 and 8.1 Forums

Joke Thread

  1. #21

    Posts : 1,714
    Windows 7 Home Premium S 64 bit

    Quote Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
    Oooppppp ssss .. sorry I missed the first Joke thread somehow..
    I called myself looking and searching for one before I posted the joke .
    I called myself too and it was an obscene caller...ME! hehehe

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  2. #22

    Posts : 412
    Windows 8 - 64 bit

    YOU, Dennis are a nut !!!... the squirrely kind..
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  3. #23

    43% of all statistics are worthless.

    7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

    99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
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  4. #24

    Posts : 412
    Windows 8 - 64 bit

    Stats can prove anything they want to... by using a few differing numbers.. in their boxes.
    Politics being a perfect example.
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  5. #25

    I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. ~ Woody Allen
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  6. #26

    All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
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  7. #27


    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

    Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

    "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

    The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

    When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
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  8. #28

    Spell Checker

    I halve a spelling checker,
    It came with my pea see.
    It plainly marks four my revue
    Mistakes I dew knot sea.

    Eye strike a key and type a word
    And weight four it two say
    Weather eye am wrong oar write
    It shows me strait aweigh.

    As soon as a mist ache is maid
    It nose bee fore two long
    And eye can put the era rite
    Its rarely ever wrong.

    I've scent this massage threw it,
    And I'm shore your pleased too no
    Its letter prefect in every weigh;
    My checker tolled me sew.
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  9. #29

    Well, my terminal's locked up, and I ain't got any Mail,
    And I can't recall the last time that my program didn't fail I've got stacks in my structs,
    I've got arrays in my queues,
    I've got the : Segmentation violation - Core dumped blues

    If you think that it's nice that you get what you C,
    Then go : illogical statement with your whole family.
    Because the Supreme Court ain't the only place with : Bus error views.
    I've got the : Segmentation violation - Core dumped blues.

    On a PDP-11, life should be a breeze,
    But with VAXen in the house even magnetic tapes would freeze.
    Now you might think that unlike VAXen I'd know who I abuse,
    I've got the : Segmentation violation - Core dumped blues!
    Last edited by HippsieGypsie; 29 Jun 2013 at 05:56.
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  10. #30

    How to Please Your I.T. Department (Series)

    01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

    02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

    03. When an I.T. person says he/she's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

    04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

    05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
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