Fastboy42
Banned
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Finally after a year of waiting I can be one of the few people who can start the joke thread.
This thread is for posting jokes. Obviously LOL
This thread is for posting jokes. Obviously LOL
Finally after a year of waiting I can be one of the few people who can start the joke thread.
This thread is for posting jokes. Obviously LOL
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We
sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it
was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up
appeared that said: 'You got Male!
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We
sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it
was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up
appeared that said: 'You got Male!
This if for Oli!!!!
A doctor in Duluth wanted to get
off work and go hunting, so he
approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns
the following day and asks: 'So, Ole,
How was your day?'
Ole told him that he took care of
three patients. 'The first one had a
headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'
'Bravo, mate, and the second one?'
asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him
MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about
the third one?' asks the Doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and
a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself,
taking off everything including her panties and lies
down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't
seen a man in over two years!!'
'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
J
'I put drops in her eyes!!
New eye chart put out by AARP
They are really getting cruel to us elderly's!
Should carry an EU health warning, not for the over 60's.
advice from a retired husband
it is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is ron. Let me relate how i handled the situation with my wife, carol anne. When i retired a few years ago, it became necessary for carol anne to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, i noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry i am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, i tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the men's grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when i hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what i can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, i think.for example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so i just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what i mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.
I know that i probably look like a saint in the way i support carol anne. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than i do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, i will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Editor's note:
Ron died suddenly on january 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a calloway extra-long 50-inch big bertha driver ii golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife carol anne was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her not guilty, accepting her defense that ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.