Windows 8 and 8.1 Forums

Joke Thread

  1. #81


    Arkansas
    Posts : 412
    Windows 8 - 64 bit


    HOW Safe do you feel ?.... Remember this is the joke thread...


    SAFE AT HOME AT LAST

    I've torn out my alarm system & de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch.

    I've got two Pakistani flags in my front garden, one at each corner
    and the black flag of ISIS in the centre.

    The local police, AFP, ASIO, ASIS and SAS are all watching my house 24/7.

    I've never felt safer.

      My System SpecsSystem Spec

  2. #82


    Posts : 273
    64-bit Windows 8


    What, no jokes since October?

    A third-grade teacher was entering the classroom when she heard one of the kids say:

    "No, you counted wrong. I got TEN bums and SIX titties."

    "What nonsense are you children discussing?" she asked angrily.

    "We're discussing the William Tell Overture," said the girl.

    "Titty bum titty bum titty bum bum bum, Titty bum titty bum titty bum bum bum!"
      My System SpecsSystem Spec

  3. #83


    Arkansas
    Posts : 412
    Windows 8 - 64 bit


    ROMANCE
    An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
    She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting. " Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
    A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
    Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
    Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck."
    Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
    "Where are you going?" she asked.
    "To get my teeth!"
      My System SpecsSystem Spec


  4. #84


    a dyslexic walks into a bra.

      My System SpecsSystem Spec

  5. #85


    Posts : 5
    HP notebook with Windows 8.1


    lol good one-

    for post number 83 to complete the joke

    The old lady goes to the dentist the next day.
    she sits down,drops panties, and spreads legs.
    the dentist says,"I'm not a gynecologist."
    she says,"I know, I need my husbands teeth back."

    hehehe
      My System SpecsSystem Spec

  6. #86


    Posts : 5
    HP notebook with Windows 8.1


    A thief went into my house to look for money.
    I woke up, saw what he was doing, and searched with him.
      My System SpecsSystem Spec

  7. #87


    Posts : 273
    64-bit Windows 8


    In one of the Marx Brothers' films, Groucho Marx (a champion at insulting people) played a hotel clerk. A couple wanted to check in, and he demanded to see their marriage license and insinuated that they were trying to share a room without being married (which would be a major offense back in those days). They get worked up to a rage, and all the time Groucho is calm and cheerful while he insults them.

    Finally the man says "This woman is my wife. You should be ashamed!"

    Groucho, still smiling, snaps back "If she really is your wife, YOU should be ashamed!"
      My System SpecsSystem Spec

  8. #88


    A Finnish ex-pat in Leipzig, Germany
    Posts : 1,443
    Windows 8.1 Pro with Media Center


    That reminds me of my first (out of four) wedding. Still living in my native Finland, after the ceremony I asked the priest marrying us if I should give him some money, new as I was in this marrying game.

    He told me that as we both were members of the congregation the service itself was of course free, continuing "People have usually given me a voluntary donation, all according to how good they feel about their newly wed wife".

    I looked at my new wife, took my wallet and gave the priest 80 Finnish Marks (about €15, this was before the Euro). The priest looked my wife and gave me 68 Marks back.
      My System SpecsSystem Spec

  9. #89



    Trying to Sith things out
    Bamberg Germany
    Posts : 2,168
    Windows 10 Pro 64 bit



    NASA studies nature for next Space Shuttle test flight.
      My System SpecsSystem Spec

  10. #90



    Trying to Sith things out
    Bamberg Germany
    Posts : 2,168
    Windows 10 Pro 64 bit


    Geek Revenge


    1. Set this BSOD screen shot as Background
    Click image for larger version


    2. Auto hide taskbar
    Click image for larger version

    3. Shut down and wait....
      My System SpecsSystem Spec

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