Jokes thread

[echrada]

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We
sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.

There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it
was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up
appeared that said: 'You got Male!

[pebbly]

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We
sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.

There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it
was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up
appeared that said: 'You got Male!

very good one to start the thread echrada

[osholt]

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We
sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.

There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it
was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up
appeared that said: 'You got Male!

Superb!!

Oli

[The Howling Wolves]

This if for Oli!!!!
A doctor in Duluth wanted to get
off work and go hunting, so he
approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns
the following day and asks: 'So, Ole,
How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care of
three patients. 'The first one had a
headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, mate, and the second one?'
asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him
MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about
the third one?' asks the Doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and
a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself,

taking off everything including her panties and lies
down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't
seen a man in over two years!!'

'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
J
'I put drops in her eyes!!

[osholt]

This if for Oli!!!!
A doctor in Duluth wanted to get
off work and go hunting, so he
approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns
the following day and asks: 'So, Ole,
How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care of
three patients. 'The first one had a
headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, mate, and the second one?'
asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him
MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about
the third one?' asks the Doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and
a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself,

taking off everything including her panties and lies
down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't
seen a man in over two years!!'

'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
J
'I put drops in her eyes!!

That's the best joke I've heard in yonks!!

Great job Dennis



Oli

[The Howling Wolves]

New eye chart put out by AARP


They are really getting cruel to us elderly's!

[echrada]

New Words for 2010

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves.

* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP DONKEY.
A deeply unattractive person..

* AIRPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* OH-NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (e.g. You've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH .
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

[Kari]

New eye chart put out by AARP

They are really getting cruel to us elderly's!

[theog]

New eye chart put out by AARP
Attachment 553

They are really getting cruel to us elderly's!

Should carry an EU health warning, not for the over 60's.

[Joan Archer]

Should carry an EU health warning, not for the over 60's.

You missed a word there theog, men